Oh no, you missed it

But thanks for the 300+ page views in one day.

Aww, And I didn't even ask you to...

1 st place last year and now 2nd place this year for Best Blog In Orlando in the 2009 Orlando Weekly Awards for my DEAD blog.

I appreciate your retarded voting and the fact that you just screwed more present and motivated writers out of placing this year. Well done, Orlando.

DEFUNCT: ORLANDO

It's been fun,

Meghan

a.k.a www.myspace.com/Megameghan if you must be so nosey

a.k.a Defame Orlando.






Being noticed can be a burden. Jesus got himself crucified because he got himself noticed. So I disappear a lot.

-Bob Dylan

DEFAMED: SNATCH SATURDAYS

Dear Ladies of Snatch,

Please tell me how it feels to publicly dance with a penis in your ass.



I often wear heels out, but now I wonder if I switched to flip flops, would it be easier to get rammed in my butthole by a total stranger with creepface when on the dance floor?




Should I dry hump a 12 year old boy next to my best friend on the couch?



Or should we be more discreet in the bathroom...



How large should the hole in the front of my jeans be?



What time is the appropriate time to give head to an unidentifiable man in front of my friends...



And how hard is too hard when being degraded with hair pulling by a guy I've never met before?



I'm totally clueless on how to be a classless vag



when dealing with the opposite sex in a shopping center bar that looks like an old gutted Eckerds with "club" themed cardboard glued to the walls.



Any help will be greatly appreciated.


-Defame

The world needs a narrative

Ahh, Konrad, he who continues to go out on the town donning actual elf ears or indian head dresses as if it's just another Abenaki tribe afternoon in the park...







Sigh. Konrad is a really nice guy, but it makes me also wonder about him and his brother's childhood. If maybe they grew up in an orphanage and used to hide under the bed telling one another:

"When we grow up, we will leave here and we will be elves. It won't matter if people understand us, they're all crazy anyways"

DEFAMED: MAKE OUT SLUTS

(Fancy Logo, Ladies)

Prize awarded to the person who can correctly count how many times the word slut was used in this post.

During the whole so and so is a slut incident on here...it got me thinking...are girls in Orlando really sluts? What criteria actually makes a girl a slut? In my eyes, if you are single, in your 20's, going to bars and sleeping with different people. That just makes you human. So how do you spot a real slut? Is it the girl who gang bangs a whole group of friends that hang together? The girlfriend who fuck's her boyfriend's best friend? Nahhh. The answer to all my questions...

A real slut wears the word proudly across her chest...

Picture Removed By Request Due To The Embarrassment Of More Lives

Make Out Sluts is an actual local Orlando business (on myspace) that appears to be run by three or four main girls. One that looks like a big bazonga'd wake boarding closet lesbian and a few others who look like they were talked into making out with closet lesbian for money.

They are for hire, to do work from typical empty headed college girl tasks at your events such as shot girl and beer tub bitch, to really taking your night to a place that clubs and house parties have never been before...

They will act like real life sluts!


Picture Removed By Request Due To The Embarrassment Of More Lives



Picture Removed By Request Due To The Embarrassment Of More Lives



Why would anyone want to hire girls for this? Well come on. We all know drunken college girls don't do that shit for free.

Heterosexual ladies, don't feel left out. Be on the look out for the newest party craze for hire, brought to you by the finest in fraternities...

Message from the Editor:

Where did the post go? I'll say this much. When it comes to the comments you leave, I'm not fighting your battles. This person simply used their "Defame Disclaimer" rights. If everyone can keep in mind that their comments do fall back on me and my site and keep them more funny/witty and less slanderous, that would be wonderful. Be opinionated, but keep it smart. People read the comments to laugh more, so try to be entertaining. Lastly, make sure you word things appropriately:

"I THINK Sally is a whore"
"RUMOR HAS IT Sally has the herps"

Thank you for your cooperation.

DEFAMED: Justin James

Like love, do you believe in hate at first site? I do...


Justin James...who are you?


And why do I hate you already...


Is it because you intrigue me? And by intrigue, I mean you look like a fag?



Is it because you're going to DJ this event?



with these guys..



Or is it because of my Top Ten Reasons of why I hate you without even knowing you:

1. I hate you.
2. I hate that you have a lip ring. Fuck, I hate anyone with a lip ring.
3. I hate the way your arms are folded in your pictures.
4. I hate that your tattoo's aren't colored in
5. I hate that you leave the stickers on your hat.
6. I hate that you walk into Urban Outfitters, buy everything in the store and wear it all at once.
7. I hate that you had the audacity to remix Elvis.
8. I hate that you have 3 or 4 video's of yourself DJ'ing on your page. No one wants to know what you look like while Dj'ing. Even Daft Punk doesn't want anyone to know what they look like while DJ'ing.
9. I hate that when The Pawnshop was demolished, you weren't standing inside of it.
10. I hate the way you look in the next picture or more importantly I hate that I can't figure out what the fuck you are DJ'ing inside of.



I hate you. I hate you so much.



Stop mocking me Justin James. This is serious. I really hate you.

Winter Break

Will resume when you all head back to work and school. Or just school, since no one has a job anymore.

DEFAMED: Cori Yarckin

Yikes.

Congrats guys. You have a song on a Hello Kitty Album and a song on the Hills. As men (and whatever that treasure troll thing in the middle is) you must be so proud of yourselves.

Seriously. What self respecting musician with a dick wants to play this god awful wee-wee rock?






Nevermind...

DEFAMED: Ricky Diamond

You all have no idea how long I have avoided writing about this dude. And it's not because he isn't perfect for the site, its because he has annoyed the piss out of me ever since the site started in regards to wanting to be defamed. He's sent countless messages, left a bajillion headshot comments that I've denied, and even threatened me recently...

"you make fun of all these people that you dont even know, isn't very nice is it. i'm sure you are absolutely hipsterific gross yourself. and that's why you won't disclose your identity. you are stupid. My music has plenty more potential than your loser website, (which by the way you only have 300 friends on myspace) and i will ruin you guys. but not out of spite, out of fun. so pretty soon, prepare to take that stupid bag with the question mark off of homer simpsons face. so you know what, uglies, don't defame me. don't do it. i don't want, or need your help. i'll just play show after show after show. and people will love it. and i will make fun of you guys at every show. and people will like me more than they hate you. and you will hate it. but pretend that you love it."

Shit, now everyone knows I'm Homer Simpson.

So two days after receiving that "scathing" letter, I receive this youtube from his off the rocker bipolar self . This is one of the few video's I will ever recommend listening to in it's entirety, because I admit, it's funny as shit. Mainly do to the fact that I truly CAN NOT for the life of me tell if it's a joke or not...




.........

PLEASE. Listen to his songs. Go to every single one of his shows. Get him famous and get him the fuck out of Orlando so he never contacts me again. And check out his myspace page. Unless you are just one of those people "who wants to smell his farts and eat his shit".


As far as you go Ricky, you creep me the fuck out and I feel like you're going to murder me. I don't know what the hell you're on, but please remember...

GROSS

DEFAMED: Random Acts Of Retardation

Well holy shit, there is something worse than Blood on The Dancefloor if that was even humanly possible. If anyone was wondering what your own murder would sound like, it's the next video. Trust me, you would rather witness Adrian fucking Rip Rockin' Richey in Docta Dawe's car bed, than see or hear what you are about to be subjected to.



I have so many questions!!! Did she say I fought the condom and I won? I fought the pill and I won? What does that mean? How do you win a fight against contraceptives? How do THESE two people= a win??? What? Why? Why do I feel like
Anita trying to figure out Lil' Wayne's Lollipop lyrics???

Let's just go over the video real quick. Voice completely changed to sound nothing like real voice. Failed attempt at originality. Repetitive. Talentless. Cliche. Annoying. Gross. Makes me hate mankind and shiver when thinking about the future of music...
Yep it's Electro. Job well done insanely creepy scary people.


So that's it. Random Acts of Retardation. A woman who goes by Kitty Litta and paints fake cheekbones onto her face. And Necro Poodle...





A man who has a mug capabable of making me so mad that I honestly want to kill these baby animals right now...





Yeah YOU, little panda.

More anyone? (minute 2:16 if you don't have a lot of time)

Ah HA! News Clip.

Remember Him?


Season One- Defame: Orlando

Apparently even Maybe Baby Killer Casey Anthony likes to get in a good picture with the little leprechaun we have come to know as Fetus a.ka Jason a.ka metal midget. Do not doubt me and my google image searches.




This post isn't about someone from Orlando being in a picture with Casey Anthony. There are plenty of douchebag 's in pictures with her. It's what is tattooed on the knuckles touching her that makes the picture so ironic.

DEFAMED: Zack Furoche

Defame's bachelor of the week...

Zack is your everyday average guy



Who enjoys hobbies such as arts and crafts and building



a "health freak" lifestyle



Quaint bike rides alone through the park



And just spending normal quite evenings at home with friends. Away from the party scene.









Zack is best known for sharing the natural pheromones his armpits produce when out and about or dwarfing Perry by standing next to him the entire night while he DJ's. To sample, please scratch and sniff the image below



and look no further ladies.



1-800-3454-23429 Bachelor # 76456